Weight: going up and down a couple pounds so my body’s having fun! Perfectly normal.
Working out: I’m getting 3-4 good workouts a week. These are 1.5 hour workouts with cardio, stretching/stability and weight training each. I even put in a good workout when I don’t feel like it. So this part is stuck, too.
I’ve been thinking this week about the messages I received from my parents; the messages I’ve been really fighting to overcome this year:
I am unloveable.
I am not important because I am female.
I should settle for what I can get easily.
As long as I’m NOT UNHAPPY, I should be satisfied.
Economic security is the most important factor in a job or relation.
If I don’t get what I want, it’s because I aimed too high.
A few weeks ago, I requested a workshop group stand between me and these negative thoughts. I really didn’t have time to fight them and get the work done I needed. As odd it might sound, about the time that the group would have been given the request, the messages quieted.
And they stayed quiet until this week.
I know part of what allowed these messages back in my head is knowing that this week is the anniversary of my mother’s death. I don’t remember the exact day; and I’m not sure of the exact year. I think it was 5 years ago. I know her funeral was the day that Dr. Romano was killed in the helicopter crash on ER. THAT I remember.
My mother had advanced Alzheimers and lived years longer than she would have wanted. Her death was a blessing. And as the author of many of those messages in my head, she wasn’t the loving supporting maternal spirit that others mourn when they lose a parent.
So I’m back to acting in ways that will prove these past messages wrong; and replacing these messages with more positive ideas. It’s as exercising as the work I do in the gym.