I was working out yesterday – having another hard time – and I realized: I’ve lost faith in myself.
Months ago, I knew that parts of my workout were hard for me. There are things I don’t like to do (as there are in life, so there are in the gym). I would do them anyway. I’d put the things I like least at the top of my workout, and reward myself for doing them by doing something that I felt competent at. Almost something fun.
Other parts of my workout would be challenging, but the reason to do them is for the challenge.
Somewhere, I’ve lost the fun.
Somewhere, I’ve lost the reward.
Somewhere, I’ve been beaten by the challenge.
With it, I’ve lost faith.
I still go to the gym and work hard. But as soon as an obstacle presents itself, I get impatient and move on. Someone using a machine I want? Fine, I’ll do something else. Can’t find the handle I want for a cable move? Forget it. Weight feels heavy? I quit.
Then I hate myself for giving up.
I’ll get it back. It will take time, but I’ll find my confidence again. Until then, I have to give myself a break. I can’t quit and then hate myself for quitting; that only compounds the problem. I have to accept that whatever I’m doing is more than I did 2 years ago, each day what I do is going to be enough. Even if part of me thinks it sucks.
And any inspirational thoughts you have to help me over this hump are well and truly appreciated.