Gaining Insight

Back in October, I wrote about the frustration I have eating with friends when I try to maintain a dairy-free diet. Then last week, I posted a popular comment on MizFit’s blog where she was discussing the Showtime program Ruby.

Part of the process is to learn how to live by the boundaries we choose for ourselves in a world that does not have boundaries. I hope it makes us stronger in the long run. Not angry or bitter or deprived. Stronger. More confident. More ourselves. And eventually healthier and happier.

It was after writing this that it suddenly struck me: The frustration and (I’ll admit it) anger I felt was because I was expecting others to recognize and acknowledge MY boundaries rather than simply owning them as mine and learning how to live with them.

I’ll admit it.  I want ice cream.  I want cheesecake.  I want pizza.  I want them inspite of the fact that I know I will feel like hell later if I eat them.  It’s easy at home; there are plenty of choices for me so I don’t have to feel deprived.  What I want in my heart is for the rest of the world to be as easy as home is.  No challenges, no missing boundaries.

Instead of feeling frustration and anger, I need to step up and live the words I wrote:  Learn to live within my own boundaries.  Adjust my thoughts so I recognize what I CAN enjoy: the company of good friends.  Instead of focusing on what I can’t have.  Prepare, even if it means bringing more of my own food or eating first at home.


4 responses to “Gaining Insight

  1. I can relate to this Deb! Unfortunately my friends try to get me to go off my weight loss plan. We will be out at dinner at they will say, You can do it just this one time Mara it want hurt you – ok it might not hurt me but it will effect me later trust me. I try and keep myself from these situations but as you said it is up to you not your friends to keep you on track. Great post/topic.


  2. In the case of Ruby – it was so hard to know WHAT I was witnessing. Was it really oblivious people? Was it manipulation? Was it codependency or enabling? In the show – I think that they said something to the effect that she was just going to have to learn to deal with the rest of the world’s food. And maybe they are right – maybe it would be worse to let her get her weight back down and then try to have her learn to cope. Maybe that is what happens to all the people that get their weight down and then re-gain – maybe they didn’t learn to cope. Hard to know. What I kept thinking while watching Ruby – was – people learn how to have social interactions that do not involve food. (or $$$ since they all were commenting on that) Go to the park and throw a frisbee for a couple hours – it is free and involves NO food. Go to the beach (she did do that with the ExBF).

  3. focusing on you (us) and not on ruby you have so nailed it.
    OF COURSE WE LOVE THE JUNK—who doesnt? it’s just that we know we dont love the crappylethargic feeling we get afterwards.

    Ill always remember the client who said to me: You dont get it though—I like things like poptarts and stuff.

    (uh really? youre so unique in that :))

  4. Good observation. It’s so easy to rationalize doing something we know is bad for us in some way, when “everyone else is doing it.” I like the idea of owning it, though: recognizing that I’m an adult, I make choices, and those choices are MINE and MINE ALONE. Even the “bad” ones.

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