I’m not sure if I’ve shared this info here, though I know I’ve shared it other places we might frequent together (twitter, facebook, etc.). I have not slept without the aid of sleeping pills (atavan) in just over 2 years (12/15/06). In a way, I’m luckier than others who suffer insomnia: my body actually responds like I’m sleeping and much of my brain seems to follow this pattern too. I just have one part that does monkey gymnastics for hours, taking me down paths of dark imagination. It hooks on strange ideas – sometimes almost like dreaming – and works and reworks the idea nonstop.
So, while I say I do not sleep, it’s not a completely accurate picture. Most of me sleeps, I’m simply aware that time is dragging around the clock for the 6 or 7 hours that I’m laying in bed.
About 5 weeks ago I saw a neurologist about my problems with the atavan, and my inability to sleep without it. He prescribed an anti-depressant -I suspected this move would come – and suggested that as it works into my system, it might get my brain back to a place where I sleep naturally.
It was a small piece of hope.
I have always had trouble with sleep. As a child, it would take an hour or longer to fall asleep. I’ve had those sleepless nights fairly regularly. And I’ve had several bouts of this long chronic inability to sleep. The last one (30 years ago), was cured with an anti-depressant.
Drugs have changed and so have I. What worked back then had disasterous side effects when we tried this year. But I hopeful that a new drug might work.
Last night I slept without taking a pill. Not through the night – I woke up 3 times. Not as long as usual – I was awake at 5:45 am and not falling asleep again. But when I woke up, I wasn’t awake more than an hour and I fell back to sleep.
This just might be the beginning of something wonderful. I’m hoping that with natural sleep I get some more of creative (writing, photographing, concentrating) mojo back and return to the me I remember.