Two years ago, I had a remarkable late November and December. In 6 weeks of heavy metabolic workouts and HIIT cardio, I managed to gain 8# of muscle while losing 10″ on my torso and a net 4″. You’ve heard that muscle is dense-and that lifting heavy and doing HIIT burns fat? This was the proof.
Five days a week I headed to the gym for a one hour workout. I would start sweating within the first 5 minutes and not stop until well after I left the gym-even after a cooling shower.
This year, I’m sad to say that I’ve reverted to a more “normal” middle agedlook. A year of injury and limited activity-plus my demon depression– has kept me from the gym. Not surprisingly, I gain back all the weight I lost and once again I’m back to 158#.
I’ve been feeling defeated -constantly looking back and comparing my current self with that past woman. It’s my own personal form of self-abuse and I’m sure many women go through this: comparing themselves with their earlier lives:
- their pre-college bodies
- their pre-baby bodies
- their 20 year selves when they’re 40.
- their pre-illness selves -when they had health.
- whatever keystone of their past where they hold them as being their very best self/where they are today.
These comparisons accomplish NOTHING POSITIVE. We will never return to that place. More importantly, if tomorrow I were to wake up looking like my former self -but not having put in the work to get there- I could not now maintain it. That body came from work -and was maintained by the same level of work. It is the experience of growing to a good place that makes that place rewarding.
Today, I am healed and getting back on the right track. The challenge for me NOW is to accept where I am today -not looking back or forward. I am choosing to start 2011 by focusing on the me of now.
*You can view my monthly check-ins in my Flickr set.